Last but not least, one of my sweetest friends, Evie Huang, offered an incredibly impactful and eye-opening response for me:
“1. Be your own people - It is so so important to remember that in a relationship, you are still both two individuals! This has been something I really have noticed as a difference between my own relationship compared to others who were also started in high school and going into college. It's totally fine if your interests, friends, or lives both align (that’d be a little hard if they don’t overlap at all), but it is essential to still grow in your own ways so that you can have a good foundation for the relationship. For example, me and Tyler both love talking about philosophical things and have similar friends, but we both are going into different fields of work that we were both called to by the Lord. Being able to learn about the other’s interests and progress as individuals (especially as we go through college) has really helped us not become a couple-conglomerate. I would say, if your person is leeching off of you or if you find your own identity merging too much with your partner’s, take a step back and reflect on how God is wanting YOU as a person to grow. YOU still matter, and your partner should recognize that too. :)
2. Pray - A very Christian answer I know, but honestly prayer is some of the best help when discerning what to do. I soft-denied Tyler about four different times about being in a relationship because I just was not sure if he was ‘the one,’ even though I really loved him. Crying out to the Lord, especially in difficult crush situations, puts your burdens on the Lord and allows you to surrender to Him for what the future holds. He’s got you! And He will provide people who will help you discern too - trust in your close friends and family.
3. ‘Just Do It’ - When I was praying about whether or not to date Tyler, there were many factors that drew me in. Firstly, he was extremely kind and compassionate. He also had the capacity to talk about deep issues with me, something that I really value in a guy (since not many high school guys could do that at the time). Additionally, I could see tangible evidence that he was growing closer with God, another VERY important thing for me in a guy. He was not super stoked about Christianity when we first confessed our crushes to each other (and for good reason), but he knew that God was something essential in my life so he was willing to learn more and reconcile with God. I knew that I wanted him to come back to church for HIMSELF and not for me because if we broke up, he would just leave. So I made sure he really was going back to God on his own terms. But even after all this, I was unsure. He seemed like a gift from God, but I reallyyyyyy was not sure (rip). I told this all to my dad one day and when hearing about my frustration to God and myself, he said a piece of advice that was really crucial. He encouraged me to go for it. If Tyler was such a great guy and seemed like something God was providing (and if I was ready for a relationship), then I should just go for it. Obviously, I was really scared of messing up or getting something wrong, but he said, ‘If you are always scared of walking, you’d never be able to run.’ This is kind of cheesy now that I read it aloud, but it comforted my little perfectionist self and told me that it was ok to try out something new. And I have not regretted it yet!
I am very grateful for Tyler and the ways he teaches me to be a better person and a better girlfriend. The Lord really blessed me with a good one :) For anyone looking for a guy: know your worth and be able to have a little fun! God’s in control. And for those who are wanting to hear a girl’s insight, go beyond the bare minimum if you really love her. And also know that God’s in control too.”
Love should ultimately set you free, and allow you and the person you’re with to embrace each other’s life journeys, as freely as the butterflies spreading their vibrant wings to fly.
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