While love should be sunny and warm, true love should persist in those more rough seasons of life. You can hide from the rain or you can dance in it, and when two people choose to dance in it together, that’s when love truly begins to take form.
Ellie Olsen, who I’ve known and loved since our freshman year, offered these important aspects in a relationship to her:
“I’ve never been in a relationship and I don’t think I've ever fallen in love either, but I've had some experiences where the potential was there and if time hadn’t gotten in the way something could have happened.
Here are some things I’ve taken from those experiences that would make me fall in love with someone.
1. They bring you peace and make you feel safe. I’ve always been more drawn to people that aren’t afraid of showing who they really are, not only because it’s confident and in some cases brave, but also this starts the relationship off with transparency and honesty. As someone who overthinks and values communication, I would want someone who works to say exactly what they mean. That’s just as important to me as feeling safe in the relationship. I think I would fall in love if the person ‘felt like home’ (I feel like that’s the most adequate way to put it).
2. They want to get closer with the people I value most. I love one on one connection, and I think it’s necessary for romantic relationships, but I think some situations I’ve been in can get caught up in that. I want to love them, but there are all of these other things and people I love too, and I want to have this person involved with my friends, my family, my passions, hobbies, and so on.
3. I want a quiet romance. I think talk and background noise about the relationship can distract you from its value if you involve your romantic life a ton on social media or in conversations where your partner isn’t there or by playing into what other people say about the relationship. This was the only reason why I wanted a relationship in high school (lol) so I don’t want to get to a point where I’m in a relationship because I want validation from people outside of it.
4. If they put others’ needs before their own. Not only does it make them a kind person, but I think being around this behavior would encourage me to be a better person too, and this could possibly result in a very giving relationship.
5. If someone is (on average) 50% similar to me, 50% different. Obviously there’s no way to tell for sure, but this ratio is one I’ve stuck by for a while. I don’t want someone where we have nothing in common, but I also don’t want to date the boy version of myself. If they have a mix of similar traits and interests that you can build on together, while also having the differences in personality to show each other different perspectives and lifestyles, I think that makes for a perfect mix.
In terms of saying yes to a relationship, I would say yes if the following were true.
1. Keeping the ‘spark’ alive is a priority for us. I know the honeymoon phase would die out, but I believe you should do all the things you would do when trying to get into a relationship with someone, after you are with them too. This shows me that the other person and I are going to be intentional about our time together and pay attention to each other’s needs continually into the relationship.
2. We set a boundary with how much we communicate away from each other. I don’t want my phone to be taking my energy away from our dates or times when we get to see each other in person, or from my other priorities like work and school. This shows me that they prioritize our in person interactions and that the relationship isn’t their life, it’s just a part of it.
3. Silence! I think the biggest indicator of whether you can have an extensive relationship (with anyone, romantic or platonic) is by having silence, and it not being awkward. My two best friends I’ve ever had are people that I can coexist with like this, and we talk about how refreshing it is because we can re-energize together and it feels the equivalent to alone time.”
The peace, the connection, the silence, it all reminds me of the rain. Love and life are not easy, and you’re bound to encounter rainy seasons, but being able to maintain the boundaries that Ellie mentioned, keeping the spark alive, and valuing the person you’re with is like dancing in the rain, awaiting a rainbow to shine through.
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